A Rambling Revelation

I guess all along ( since my diagnosis in March 2009) i have had some inkling or understanding that i may have had this disease ( Lyme Disease and / or co-infections ) for a very long time - much longer than my recent tick experience would suggest. I had even discussed this with my LLMD in my first visit . We discussed it again recently.
We were going over some of my current issues and went back over my early health history .
I had one of those blazing 'lightbulb' moments of " HOLY CRAP ! " i have HAD this for more than 30 !!!! years . Yes , i was re-infected recently - that i know for certain but some , if not all of this was on board for a very long time. ( i think the Babesia is the only real 'new' one. )
In my recent LLMD appointment we went over my Bartonella flare since this seems to be the main culprit right now and i realized ( as i was adding up my current symptoms ) that many of the SAME symptoms have appeared and re-appeared over the years since i was 13 years old . I had a stray kitty that we had adopted and she was vicious in the beginning , scratching me repeatedly etc . until i tamed her and she became my best friend. It is very likely she infected me first.
I had strange rashes.
I developed strange , red, angry " stretchmarks" on my hips and upper thighs. (I was 95 lbs at the time.)
I had terrible migraines ( my grandfather passed away so maybe it was stress )
They were bad enough for my doctor to suspect a brain tumor, though.
I had several Cat-scans, MRI , etc . Nothing.
Stress.
They went away only to come back , intermittently over the years.
I got conjunctivitis alot , recurrent bladder infections , strange rashes, emotional outbursts . I was a teenager . Normal , right ?
All the doctors made me think so .
I had Mono ( Epstein -Barr virus ) so bad i was hospitalized overnight.
I always got tired easily after that. They administered steroids.
I would get "sun poisoning" on my chest when i went out in the sun .
I cried alot , threw 'fits' . Had strange nightmares. Migraines and neck pain persisted.
My periods were so heavy i had to stay home from school.
I never felt 'normal'.

I am SO ANGRY. No one ever thought to test me for Lyme disease , i was outdoors all of the time , hiking , camping , playing forts in the woods growing up , frolicking through fields and beach grass without a care in the world.. I was bit by spiders, ticks, mosquitos , fleas - you name it . Constantly . I was sick a lot.
Then I got cervical cancer in my early twenties, - had a good patch for about five years when i got ' health concious ' and became a vegetarian and organic only consumer. I took probiotics , practiced yoga , took vitamin c . I built a stronger immune system.
Then i went through a very stressful period with work and love and i started getting sick again.
I had fibrocystic breast tumors , ovarian cysts, uterine fibroids. Depression , ADHD, exhaustion. Neck issues and migraines continued.
Years passed- i guess i am aging early...
A pregnancy plagued by pain and illness. My son almost died . I almost died . A year later - hysterectomy.
Now i worry about his health - which is like a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode. He is healthy now but what if ? This thought haunts me. I don't want to miss anything, like i was missed. I also don't want to be one of those scary , over -protective germ-phobic mothers , either . So i wait and i watch , like a CIA operative.

No one EVER questioned ANY of my health issues .
I suffered off and on for years with no explanation.
Just tests picked out of a hat , pills and being brushed off when i couldn't be helped or 'solved'.
WHY didn't anyone know or suspect ???
BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS .
I am making it my mission to help educate people on the truth behind the 'spin'.
I will no longer stand silent and help perpetuate a lie.

The fact that i have possibly been suffering in silence for YEARS is even worse .
I am just so angry , and i am trying to come to grips with this idea.
i know many , too many of you can relate.
I am not 'special' , i am one of thousands who are only now ( if they are lucky (unlucky ? ) finding out why their life has been filled with unexplained health problems.
Multiple exposures are not only possible but highly likely . A strong person's immune system can fight back a lot of infection . Many of us ( most of us actually ) have viruses and bacteria that we live with and never cause us much of a problem. Until your immune system is compromised by stress, poor health , surgery or another illness - you may never even know it. We are only tested and treated when something goes wrong . This , in my opinion is definitely part of the problem with medicine in the US - we do very little in terms of preventative care which would make everyone a lot healthier and happier . Except Pharmaceutical companies , of course .
And they have their hands in everyone's pie. but THAT is another discussion , altogether. ; )

So , i got a tiny little tick bite last summer ...
And that may have just been THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL"S BACK .
My world has changed forever.
It is that realization that has me floored, still.
I just cannot get over it.
It is a lot to process when one is already ill .

I do not want my child or anyone else to go through what we are going through .
It is just too much to ask .
I am still in shock that i didn't know ANY of this just a few short months ago .
Hard to believe .
And i like to think of myself as an informed human being .
I was lied to . We all were .
In the 'information ' age , to boot.
Thank you for hearing me . I just needed to tell someone - everyone - how i am feeling . I am strong - i am a survivor . But i still hurt .
And tonight , i am really hurting as i mourn the loss of that thirteen year old girl who loved nature and animals and the world and it didn't love her back the way she thought it would.